Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Stuff Christians Like

Every "group" has its own culture. The things they say, do, feel, and like. And that's what Jonathan Acuff's blog, Stuff Christians Like, discusses about Christians. All of the little mannerisms and tics the faith has cultivated come together for one big hurrah...literally, you will laugh. His blog became hugely popular and in 2010 he published this book of his blog essays.

I read the book in two days and my husband said I had a silly grin on my face the whole time. I was glad to hear that because (I'm hoping) it means I'm not uptight or easily offended. People have to be able to laugh at themselves, right? As a Christian himself, Acuff helps other Christians (or anyone for that matter) do just that. The cool thing is that Acuff's wit almost always leads you to wisdom. The joke lures you in and bam! he sets you straight at the same time. Sneaky. Also, for your chuckling pleasure, there is a sampling of illustrations, such as the one of the "side hug" on the cover.

I would like to highlight some of my favorite essay titles. Some because of the title's wonderful wording, some because of the topic, and some as forms of a confession. Too bad you don't know which is which! (Acuff's quotes in italics.)

1. Ranking Honeymoon Sex Slightly Higher Than The Second Coming of Christ. Because you know honeymooners have priorities...well, a priority.

2. Judging Fundamentalists For Being Judgmental. I think the irony goes without saying, but in this essay it just keeps going.

3. Sending More Hate Mail Than Satanists. Acuff (who is a Christian) says he receives more hate mail from Christians than other group or type of people.

4. Occasionally Swearing. If you're a nonbeliever and swear a ton, it's just not that big of a deal. If you're a Christian though and you swear, birds fall out of the sky. Trees shake to their roots. Magma gets fourteen degrees cooler under the crust of the earth. Wielding that kind of power is too tempting to ignore.

5. Subtly Finding Out If You Drink Beer Too. This one comes with techniques to figure out if other Christians around you are of the beer accepting type or not...very handy. No, really, it is.

6. Using Waterfalls And Butterflies As An Opportunity To Give Evolutionists The Middle Finger. The premise that nature is too beautiful to be accidentally made. Because snootily saying, "And it was all an accident" completely in line with Jesus' whole "love your neighbors through sarcasm" thing.

7. Missionary Dating: When God Calls You To Convert The Sexy And Unchurched. It's a hard job, but someone's gotta do it. Worked for my husband and a very. roundabout. way.

8. Finding Typos In The Worship Music. Yea, I know, this one is an obvious confession. I'm an English teacher though! What's your excuse?

9. Using Vacation Bible School [VBS] As Free Babysitting. If VBS didn't start so early in the morning, I would've totally done this with my kids when they were little...jumped from church to church each week for a new VBS. But, 8am start time? Ugh!

10. Name-Dropping God To Get Out Of A Speeding Ticket. Gives the best ways to name-drop God on certain days of the week - especially on Sunday.

And these are just a few essays from 2010 or earlier. Can't imagine what else might have gone through the blog in the years since. So check out the book or the blog, either way you'll get a laugh, which might also be a swift kick in the pants to set you straight.


  1. hahaha #8 yes!! Once the choir I accompanied sang "Jesus Tempted in the Desert" but...the bulletin read "dessert."

    1. Well dessert can be a temptation too right? Hard time finding that story in the Bible though! Lol

  2. the sexy and unchurched, hilarious!

  3. Sounds like a funny book. To me, a non-Christian, the thing that characterizes a Christian above all else is the pot-luck meal. My in-laws (Christians) seem to go to more pot lucks than anyone else I know.

    1. Yes, definitely. There was an ode to the crock pot essay in the book!